cheap yeezys At this point, evolution clearly just started

cheap yeezys At this point, evolution clearly just started

6 Endangered Species That Aren’t Endangered Enough

cheap air force Not every endangered species is a breed cheap jordans for sale of particularly fluffy kitten that’s been driven to death by a nasty capitalist SUV factory. Some are endangered in the same way that smallpox is endangered: because they should be, dammit. It doesn’t make webs, or leap great distances it just slowly sneaks up behind things and jumps on them. Yes, just like in your nightmares. Go ahead and check behind you. We’ll wait. cheap air force

cheap yeezys As if a giant spider that can bring down a moderate sized flying animal wasn’t bad enough, it’s one of the “hissing bastard spiders” (that’s actually its full scientific name), the creepiest creature to exist outside of a horror novel. cheap yeezys At this point, evolution clearly just started piling in everything nasty that could possibly fit: Its spit can dissolve flesh down to the bone AND it can shoot invisible hairs that cut your eyes and mouth. While the “intelligent designer” theory has lost steam of late, the “sadistic bastard creator” theory is single handedly supported by the existence of this creature. cheap yeezys

cheap nike shoes Its venomous bite is not fatal, but can cause pain and swelling. We’d like to take a moment to praise those bite victims who did not die of sheer terror, and who we presume now work in Afghanistan kicking sand for landmines, having utterly used up their entire life’s supply of fear. When you’ve looked down and seen a screaming Frisbee sized spider with its fangs sunk in you, cheap jordans online you’re probably going to need cheap jordans free shipping to be thrown out of an airplane into a volcano before you’ll ever feel mildly concerned again. cheap nike shoes

cheap air jordan No messing around here there is an entire part of the brain designed to keep us the fuck away from spiders, the “arachnid response” to anything horrifically alien that must be destroyed. The only reason this abomination isn’t already extinct is we can’t find enough Navy SEALS prepared to go near the damned things. Heroes? onlinestorenikefree cheap jordans on sale Psh, the only reason those bastards dismantle nukes is because the “Jobs Available” list at the base reads: cheap air jordan

cheap jordans for sale a) Single handedly engage the entire terrorist forces of Mujhadikkaklikkastan or cheap jordans for sale

cheap jordan sneakers b) Seriously guys, one of us needs to kill those fucking spiders. But I’ve Cheap jordans hurt my leg. This is a species for whom murdering parents and enslaving the children is genetically programmed. It’s a hive minded hybrid of Hannibal Lecter and Hitler with a suicidally dedicated army of millions. We can therefore at least say this one isn’t made by Satan, if only because he wouldn’t risk creating his own replacement. cheap jordan sneakers

cheap adidas This provides a bit of a challenge for conservationist, cheap air jordan because the only way to keep it alive is to provide a steady cheap jordans from china supply of other ants for it to kill. Talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, and since in this case “Paul” is an army of millions of fascist ant cheap jordans online supremacist slavers, we’re on Peter’s side here. Fuck Paul. Fuck Paul with fire, and pour salt on the ashes. cheap adidas

cheap jordans in china Slavemaker ant, menacing a kitten (kitten added for illustration purposes) cheap jordans in china

cheap jordans from china Being an expansionist cheap jordans sale slave owning culture is one thing all you need to do is invent pointed sticks, bronze or gunboats before everyone else and you’re in charge. But a genocidal slave race that’s endangered? When you’re winning you’re a “culture,” but when you’re losing you’re “vicious hateful bugs that will be stomped flat as soon as we find boots utterly airtight enough to avoid the cheap air force risk of touching you.” cheap jordans from china

cheap jordans online A shark is a 24 hour tooth factory attached to an organic outboard motor. The only reason we’re killing them at all is because we evolved the ability first. If even one of those flesh seeking missiles had taken time out from mincing things with its face to develop a thumb fin, we’d be hiding up trees from giant water filled roboshark suits. cheap jordans online

cheap jordans free shipping Ability to swallow a child without chewing notwithstanding, we’ve never considered sharks a major threat keep out of the sea, miles the fuck away from Amity Island, avoid sticking your legs into mouths that look like tooth lined oil barrels and you’re golden. The problem is that the Ganges shark, cheap jordans in china as the names suggests, swims in a big freshwater river just like regular, non humanivorous fish. cheap jordans free shipping

cheap jordans shoes The vegan tofu brigade point out that the incomplete bodies washing up on the Ganges shore might have been dismantled by the Bull shark, not the innocent friendly Ganges shark, which presumably uses its vast collection of teeth to sieve pollution. cheap jordans shoes

cheap Air max shoes The recent death of Martin Brody has robbed us cheap jordans shoes of both our Shark Homicide Police Division and vast Improbably Constructed Submarine Captain. On the upside, this shark lives in a river so we can avoid the “going out in the fucking water with the water based murderizer” mistake made by most cinematic shark seekers. cheap Air max shoes

Cheap jordans We’re told that simply having the military line up along the banks and fire machine guns into cheap jordans china the water is both expensive and inefficient, so we’d probably have to look into just poisoning the water somehow, or perhaps creating a chemical reaction that will turn all of the rivers into a powerful acid. How else will we make the waters safe for our children? Cheap jordans

cheap jordans sale Let’s get the obvious question out of the way: Why is it called the corpse flower? Because it smells like rotting dead bodies. Why does it smell of rotting dead bodies? To attract the armies of flesh eating beetles that pollinate it. Why does it exist? Because Satan is real, and He hates us very much. cheap jordans sale

cheap cheap jordan sneakers jordans on sale To further cement its status as “genuine product of human nightmares,” it looks like a giant 12 foot penis. Really. Originally named the Amorphophallus (Latin for “Weird Dick”), it was given the name “Titan Arum” by David Attenborough, who point blank refused to spend a documentary talking about the majestic StrangeCock plant. When Mr. Nature himself refuses to even utter a plant’s name, that’s more strong evidence for the “Satanflower” pile. cheap jordans on sale

cheap jordans china Until 2000, the Arum was the official flower of the Bronx. It’s one thing to accept that you have a crime problem, but when even your chosen flower smells of dead bodies you may be taking “truth in advertising” too far. It was replaced by the day lily. To summarize: It stinks, it’s cheap nike shoes disturbing looking and it’s been fired from a day job in the Bronx this species is already dead, it just doesn’t know it yet cheap jordans china.

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